i just started eating, eating, eating, and i never stopped. 

i wake up in the morning, i send my kids to school, i’m ready for some white dirt. i have a cigarette in the afternoon and i’m ready for some white dirt. i woke up worried in the middle of the night, i had white dirt.

mad with desperation, rebeca got up in the middle of the night and ate handfuls of earth in the garden with a suicidal drive, weeping with pain and fury, chewing tender earthworms and chipping her teeth on snail shells.

i eat it every day. i have a white mouth. everyone knows it when they see me.

it’s kind of embarrassing because.. do you see the way it leaves my mouth? it feels guilty, they see it all over my hands me trying to hide it. it’s all over my mouth.

it’s real.

but it’s oh so good. I can’t explain it.

there isn’t really anything in it. it’s empty.

i’m trying to stop, indeed. but it’s as if it’s calling me.